Thursday, September 20, 2012

i may be restless, but He won't relent.

"You won't relent until You have it all"...the Jesus Culture lyrics that just won't leave my head.

"I am restless, looking for You"...the Switchfoot lyrics that are stuck in my heart.

I think it might be that "restless" time of year, at least it is in my life. It's that time when summer travels are over, camp "spiritual highs" have faded, and all I see ahead is BUSYNESS. And I love busyness. I thrive on busyness. Yet amidst the crazy, I'm willing to admit that in the busyness, I often lose sight of the important. I tend to bury myself in the busy, putting aside my needs in an attempt to be everything to everyone. I want to show up at every volleyball game, every swim meet, every fine arts showcase, every football game. It's so easy to forget about ME. And there's a way to think of myself without being selfish. There is a physical part of me that needs to be taken care of with regular work-outs and healthy eating. There is an emotional and mental side of me that thrives on time spent in conversation with friends. And there is a spiritual hunger in my life than needs to be fed with time spend in the Word and in prayer.

And when these physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual quotas aren't being filled, restlessness moves in, unpacks his suitcase, and throws his feet up on the coffee table. I find myself entertaining other job offers. I find my mouse clicking over to see if Allegiant has any great deals on a quick trip home. I find sleepless nights with my brain running a thousand miles a minute.

But what I love is the second part of that Switchfoot lyric: "I am restless...looking for You." That's what it always comes down to. What I'm looking for is not going to be filled in busying my time even more by adding Young Life and FCA to the mix. Restlessness won't go away by planning College Ministry events to fill up my time when the Student Ministry calendar is free. And I definitely won't find fulfillment in looking up one more plane ticket I can't afford. It's Jesus...that's who I'm restless for. Time spent with Him - knowing Him - is from where the restlessness stems.

All summer I drilled that into the heads of my need to desire to know GOD more than you desire to know GOD's WILL. And that's easier than it sounds, which is why I am SO grateful for the message of that second song. God won't relent until He has it all. He won't stop pursuing until He has ALL of me. Literally there is no stop He won't pull for me...because of His love...for me. Wow. Wrap your head around that one! 

"Come, be the fire inside of me. Come be the flame upon my heart. Come be the fire inside of me until you and I are one." Relentless, not restless...that's what I'm going for today.

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